i am so sad, there is sympathy in hhis eyes any more, no compassion, i would give anything to have that all back. i miss him so much. i miss him soo terribly much. i miss what we had, i miss it all. i want it back. and i dont want to let it go, i dont want to let everything weve built together go. hes my bestfriend.. my lover.. my adventure partner. if only he can remember that. i heart hurts so much right now. all i want are things to go back to normal. i wish i could say something to him to make him remember the things we did together. there is just so much things that we did together and every moment is flashing back in my mind, and its so painful to realize that i cant regenerate those memories and experiences with him like that anymore if he chooses to continue without me. i have no control over the situation now. i am just a sitting duck. my heart longs for him. nothing i say has an affect on him. nothing i do, everything that my heart pours out seems to only be hitting wall, and i just kills to see him shut everything that ive said down. its a pain, a different pain like no other. i know hes mad. i know hes full of rage, and im trying to understand how he feels, and believe me, and it just kills me. its riping me apart inside, and im starting to believe that that is actually happening to my body. my stomach hurts, it aches, and ive lost all appetite for food and water, i havent felt thristy at all for the last 3 days yet my mouth feels all clammy, and when i try to eat king dong, i cant take more than a few bites, before i crack up and cry uncontrollably of the inside jokes we had of king dong, big wang. pain is pain and it hurts people in different ways, and people react to pain in different ways, some people become angry, they put up a wall, they shut down, they become numb to any emotion as a defense mechanism. others, lose sleep, they dont eat, or drink, they cry, they feel weak, they feel lik throwing up, they dont have life in them any more, and they barely have the will to get out of bed. but i dont expect pity, i dont want it, and even though my roomates see me like this, i dont want them to take pity on me, just leave me be.