Forever More

i see him sleeping, peacefully, on my bed. At least in this state, he doesn't have to think of all the thoughts hes been thinking, or anything about how he feels. I watch him there thinking to myself how terrible i feel, just terrible, that i had let the love of my life undergo this kind of feeling. how could i do this, how could i do this to him. i feel so ashamed of myself. i just want him to be happy again, i want to be the one to make him smile again. i know the trust is lost, but it can be regained. i know we are still there inside each other. we've seen it come out, those days where it feels like nothing is wrong, and everything seems right again. we CAN bring it back. he IS all that i need. he IS enough for me. I feel that communication gap closing in. we've never talked so much about everything before. my gap is gently closing, now i have to close his gap. trust. but how. only time can heal something lik that. it isnt as easy as communication, trust is much harder to heal. and at this moment, time doesnt seem to be on my side. i only have two weeks, and that has to be enough time for me to at least gain some trust back in him. i fear this ultimatum. i dont want the end to come. yet i cant let him feel lik he cant trust me while i am up there. i have to show promise, and some how prove to him that things will be alright, and that things will get better again. Ive gotten strong feelings back now, feelings that went from nothin to somthing. he made it come back. i thought i had lost it, but he knew there was somthing inside me all along, just like i know there is something inside him. yesterday was one of the most normal days we have had in a long time. everything felt right, like we were back to the old us, we snuggled, nuzzled, got it on, nibbles, tickles, layed with each  other, talked and joked around with each other. it brought back memories of how we use to be and it felt so right, there was nobody in my mind other than him. i missed that alot, i missed it so much. i miss HIM so much right now. even though he is still right in front of me sleeping, i miss him already. i spent the entire day with him, but it didnt feel like i was spending it with the ivan i know. he didnt say much today, as if there is no emotion in him. and i am trying, and i will try harder, but it is so discouraging when you get no bit of emotion or any result that what i am doing is working. why have things changed so suddenly after just one day, one day he is so full of love and determination to be with me, and the next, it seems like he is ready to give up. which is how it seems like right now, but if two people begin to give up at the same time, there wont be a relationship. i cant let this relationship die when two people are still in love with each other, thats why i am left right now still trying. what is going to happen to us, i wish someone could just tell us. i cant stand this countdown til the end of winter break. i honestly have nothing left for me if he leaves me. ive made him my everything, and if he leaves, ill be left with nothing. i want him so bad.

Please. This human being,
he is my one in a million.
Never have I met such a person
who is so caring and loving as him.
I realize, he is more than I can ask for,
and by that, I should as for no more.
For all  I want is him,
and for him, to want me forever more.