i want to go home, where it'll just be us in our hometown where we met, where everything is just how it was when i left. i want to pause time, i want to be home, i want everything to slow down for a moment just to let me breath a bit. i want to go back to the beginning, the start, time is flying by to fast, i dont feel in control, i need to get away, get away from berkeley, i need to get back to my roots, i feel lost, i need to get back to my roots, i need to get home, i need everything to go back to the way it was, i need him there, i need to see my timon. im trying to have more self control, control my emotions, my feelings, stay in control of my emotions and not let it get the best of me. i know what to do, i need to think in the right perspective. i dont want to hurt anyone any more, it hurts me a hundred times worse.

i am hurt by the terrible actions i do on to others. my heart aches for the hurt i do on to others by my own obliviousness, the obliviousness which keeps me from seeing things straight and in the right perspective

i really try to learn from the mistakes that ive done in my past relationships, first one, dont online date, 2nd one, to not be oblivious to the fact that i wasnt putting enough time in to the relationship as much as i should have. i try to learn and not make the same mistakes that i do in the past, and especially the act of not seeing things straight when i should have seen what is right in front of me, i dont want to make that same mistake of being oblivious again. someone needs to tell me when ever i am doing it. is it my fault for not seeing it? i dont know. i wish i had a little jenn on my shoulder to tell me whats up, when im being dumb, not seeing straight, perspectives. this is not who i am, i am better than this, i am classy, i put myself to a higher standard.

i just never meant to hurt anybody.

im exhausted, im tired, i havent done anything all day, but my mind has been going at it all day

there is and will always be this special spot, a soft spot for him in my heart.