So yesterday I go to school for the test la. Is the exam for the dunno dunno what politic dunno what one la but in the end is okay one. I do the question that ask me about the guy call Mr K. They give me one passage to readed by a person call Mr K then I must answer about what is Mr K's poltical perspective or what one la. So I say "realism lor". Then after that got another 4 question then choose one and write essay la. So i choose the one on dunno what ethics and morality. Cause is actually the only one I know how to answer hehehe. -_- After I finish my exam I went to find whether there have a toilet anot. Have la but is got to walk a bit more. Then I make a phone call while waiting for my bus at the kent ridge there. I was like hoping it is going to be a double deck because I like to sit at the at top there. In the end it really is! Woo shiok la at the upstair of the bus. Hmmz the bus uncle I think drive quite faster than normal time la. But don't worry is not speedy. If speeding then i think i wont be writing this now lor. Huh? Means what? Means i will be dead already one lor.

cakecuts

Heeheehaw.

allaroundbackgroundsound: Guilty - Youth Group

It was a Thursday too, back then.
I was wearing the same shirt I'm wearing now.
And the same shoes.
It was the first time I held your hand.
And saw your life, heard your future.
And really, really enjoyed it.
No one here is more beautiful than you.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

I miss you.
If I could call you, I will.
Distance and I never really got along.

before it's december

I was bombarded recently (read: last night / this morning) with an ambuscade of messages and missed calls from people who seemed overly eager to have me go to school today to, uh, collect the French test scripts. (If you are wondering, I am as close to mastering the language as I am to ever liking Malaysia.) I began to have suspicions that were quickly thwarted with thoughts of "Eh, you think you so important meh that people want to surprise you."

But, I am that important, after all. [An endless, endless outpour of maniacal laughter succeeds this statement.]

Pleasantly surprised, I am glad to know that I am not that worthless and/or loveless. There are actually people in this world (really?) who care.* So i have decided to live at least a little while longer, at least if I can help it. I will prevent DeathByToyota only so far as I can. But morbid inclinations aside, I am, since Tuesday, one year older but not much wiser, if at all. In fact I think my age has an inverse proprortion to my wisdom and ability to acquire knowledge that is not centered around the shortest way from the forum to the lecture theatre, or how many bottles of Yakult I can consume before my stomach involunatrily gives way. (Two.)

Generally, I think it is safe to say, things are looking up.

allaroundbackgroundsound: Please Stand Up - British Sea Power; Despite The Tears - Jeff Buckley

*Thank you Indian Morons (+ pseudo-Malaysian Soon Meng) for the cake.

what's my name?

My return in December.
Bitter-sweet, but not a goodbye. Never a goodbye.

You're in denial
You're in denial, and I know
Well, what's my name?
Well, what's my name? I don't know

Maybe you could telephone
Maybe I could meet you in the morning
Call me if you're on your own
And maybe I could meet you in the morning

allaroundbackgroundsound: Morning's Eleven - The Magic Numbers

whoa explode

As I lay on my bed half-willing my body to sleep so that my mind could quietly succumb to a moment's silence (thinking doesn't always do us good) I noticed the lights and shadows on the leaves outside. If only, if only, if only.

If only light did not create shadows.
If only light did not make darkness.
If only light could surround you and I, like a protective embolism.
If only I had you at hello.

*

walk all over you

I had a visit from a Martian last night and he said Earth is blowing up tomorrow.

(Just kidding.)

I hope you all have been counting down to my birthday anxiously, and that good (emphasis here) presents have been dutifully bought, mostly because you should have already done that, considering how much I have changed all your lives for the better. [Insert death threat.] Well, for those of you who have been asking me when my birthday is, shame on you! You must do your own homework! I cannot be giving all the answers all the time. Quasi-sigh.

It's already the fourteenth of the month, and I still have most of my allowance. It could be a) I have had no reason to go out; or, b) I have finally learnt that money, like fossil fuels, is not renewable. Or maybe because I have been starving like I should have long ago. Eating disorders are only the latest trend, duh. One day, one day, one day I'll fly.

I think if I eat another Subway sub anytime this year, I am most likely to die of overdose. I cannot be giving six inch subs to strangers anymore. I should honestly/seriously just not buy footlongs because greed never got anyone any good. For example: K-Fed.

But, then, in case you didn't know [flash 'L' sign] subway subs are quite awesome especially when you haven't eaten in more than 10 years. [Cue: You ask me, "Why is that?"] Why is that, you ask? Because the last 10 years have been endowed with multiple onsets of sadness that have led me to permanently lose my appetite.

Okay, I'm going to write my future-Pulitzer Prize winner now.

allaroundbackgroundsound: Walk on Me - Ben Kweller; Zipeety Doo Dah (because I can)

You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.
You can do this, Jac.

It's Wednesday!
I think I hate Wednesdays, my ex-favourite day of the week.
And I'm going to hate next Wednesday the most.
ARGH

not just anybody

Yesterday birthed the Find Jac a Man Club. (Do I really scream "Help! I need somebody!"?) I profess this is a guised attempt by friends to continue their destructive ploy to direct me to all the Joon Fengs and Eng Tats ("She wants your number"). A hidden agenda, somewhere? Unfortunately I remain untempted as yet to jump at the chance of making out in a broom closet with any of their chosen offerings to me. I do not think I need to explain any further beyond this line.

I think Love is really some joke, right now. A tug-of-war kind of game with no winners, only losers, losers and losers. But sometimes there is happiness. Okay, who am I kidding? There always is happiness. Even in petty fights and difficult tasks of getting your significant other to wake up before lunch time so you can go to the beach before it rains, et cetera. There is happiness knowing there is somebody. And the opposite is true.

But maybe I am a creature meant for better things, like, for example, spinsterhood, heh heh.

black forest

I am sitting here, warming up my seat for nobody, twiddling my thumbs (I can 'dislodge' them from my hands) and trying to think of my last great birthday. I am scared of growing old. Old, alone, 89 cats, 88 packets of Marlboros a day, living on $87.86 from elderly pensions until I'm 85 with 84 types of skin diseases. (Don't worry, by then there will be that many.) (Choy!)

There really have been no great birthdays for me. I have spent them doing my history A level paper, playing with espensive cutlery in a snooty restaurant, the kind where wearing slippers sends you back to steak-less, dinner-less hell, wandering Orchard Road, throwing a bucket of dirty water over my friend's head, et al. I don't really remember having much enjoyed any of my birthdays, except when I was still a school kid and had rockin' good birthday parties, i.e friends at my house playing pass the parcel, and then giving me the latest gadgets from Mattel.

I had hoped that this year I would have a fantastic birthday. With a fantastic person, mostly. No presents, no hideous gifts I must pretend to appreciate, or tacky birthday-song singing with a run-of-the-mill cake with the wrong number of candles with a banal waiter taking a banal polaroid shot. Just me, someone, a balloon maybe for extra company, a sunny day, a nice patch of grass, and lots of happy going around. Lots and lots of happy!

Counting down is hardly any fun anymore.

But, for the folks around, :> like you mean it.